Bill Corbett's Blog

Why Family Stickers on Your Car Window are a Bad Idea

04/20/2012 22:45:00

Have you seen those stick figure characters on the back of family minivans and other vehicles? They’ve become quite popular and are made and sold by the Australian MY FAMILY™ company. This company promotes families to purchase them at an approximate $4 per sticker price and place them on the family vehicle. It is my opinion that they provide too much information to strangers and by displaying a representation of your family to the world, parents are increasing the risk that those with criminal intentions will take notice of their family first. In an age when it seems as if there is an increase in stalking and heinous crimes against women and children, it might be best NOT to bring attention to your family and put your children’s safety at stake.

In 2007, convicted killer Joshua Komisarjevsky noticed 48-year-old Jennifer Hawke-Petit and 11-year-old daughter Michaela Petit shopping at a local supermarket in Cheshire, CT. He followed them home and killed this mother and her daughter, along with 17-year-old daughter Hayley Petit in a home invasion. What happened to this poor family is heart breaking and an awful tragedy. It is also a sobering reminder that there are individuals among us who harbor destructive and evil intentions to hurt others.

Parents and grandparents love to brag about their children. Many people enjoy displaying markings and signs that represent messages important to them and principles they stand for. But before you put that bumper sticker on your car or those cute family stickers on your back window, think twice about whether it’s really a good idea to bring attention to you and your family.

A Movement to Jail Spanking Parents? Really?

03/27/2012 10:42:00

What would you say if you met a parent who said to you, “It is my right to do whatever I want with my child.” Would you feel torn between respecting that parent’s right or feel compelled to act on the part of the innocent child? I’d like to hear from my readers on what your thoughts are. Recently on a social media discussion board, I was accused of being a part of a diabolical movement to take away the rights of parents who choose to use punitive and possibly harmful discipline with their children. This individual believed that parent educators like me, who believe in and promote positive methods of discipline, are working hard behind the scenes to vilify those who wish to reserve their right to spank their child when the situation is right. The most frightening thing was that this person was a therapist with a real practice. On my television show recently, I invited a few experts to join me on the set to discuss this very topic. Here is the short 9 minute clip on the discussion we had.

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The Hidden Agenda of Positive Parenting Educators

In this video clip, parenting expert and show host, Bill Corbett answers a viewer's outrageous question and concern that those who teach positive parenting practices have a hidded agenda to jail anyon...

Am I out to have parents thrown in jail who choose to spank? No, but I will report child abuse if I become aware of it. I always make myself available to help parents because I know firsthand how difficult of a job it is. When I meet a parent (or grandparent) who spanks, I never make them feel bad and instead, stand ready to offer them help, parent coaching, or just some tips on what to do before they feel like they have to get to the point of spanking. There are so many other things a parent can do but it takes the ability to become balanced, calm, and clear-minded to come up with alternative means for getting needs met.

While I’m on the topic of positive parenting, one such tool is to build motivation in toddlers and preschoolers by charting their progress with new or difficult tasks. I don’t support rewarding or bribing our children with toys and food, but I feel that it is OK to institute some temporary means of teaching young children new tasks. One way of doing that is using a chart system to help them see their progress. Kenson Kids makes a very useful chart system to help children progress. The best part of this item is that you can purchase add-on packs with more complex tasks as the child grows. Check it out on Amazon with the link below (aff).

Kenson Kids - "I Can Do It" Reward and Responsibility Chart Made in the USA. 11" X 15.5"

What to do When Your Child Craves Attention

03/12/2012 21:30:00

Does it happen to you? Your child seems to constantly crave attention and just when you're the busiest? It can be very frustrating because you feel like you give your child lots of attention and she just continues to want more. Keep in mind that anything that takes your attention away, such phone calls, work, the television, and even other people can make your child feel like she has competition for you.

The number one thing to know about satisfying a young or even an older child's attention is to keep quiet when you're giving it to them. Now this may sound strange, but parents are usually talking too much when they are giving their child attetion and when they are, the child does not feel satisfied at the moment. The best kind of attention you can give a child is your complete focus on the child, at eye-level, and completely quiet. That means no talking.

Learning to remain completely quiet when a child is talking to you can be difficult to learn if you're not use to it. If doing so feels uncomfortable to you, you can say things like, "Uh huh?," "Wow!," "Really?," "Tell me more," "And then what happened?" Do the best you can to remain silent and keep your eyes focused on your child's face. Allow your face to become a mirror and reflect back the emotion you see in your child's face so he sees the reflection of what he appears to feel at the moment.

If your child asks you a question, consider not answering it and instead, ask your child what she thinks. If she says, "Mommy, why is the sky blue?," instead of blurting out the answer, say to her, "I'm not sure, why do you think the sky is blue?" The more "in the moment" you are with your child and the more SHE talks to you, the more complete she is going to feel from that encounter. The result will be less times that she may come running to you to refill her attention bucket because it will already be full. Here's a video with more tips on handling children who crave attention.

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Handling a Child Craving Attention

In this video clip, parenting expert and show host, Bill Corbett, offers parents of young children, 4 tips for handling children who seem to always be after more attention from the parent.Creating...

Should Kids and Parents Eat Dinner Together?

03/06/2012 18:31:00

My 14-year-old will do whatever she can to get out of having to sit at the dinner table and eat with us. From saying she’s full from her after-school snack to having too much homework to saying she’s tired. My wife and I ignore her excuses and calmly tell her that this is one of those things that we do as a family. I tell her it’s one of those “do as the Romans do” types of things and she usually slinks up to the table looking defeated. Before we know it, she’s perky and talking about the best and worst moments from her day at school.

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This avoidance in my teenager is a normal part of adolescence because the child is in the process of rejecting any identification with his or her baby-self like a snake sheds it’s skin. It’s not a characteristic in every teenager, but in many. Parents are automatically connected to the teenager’s baby-self, resulting in what appears to be rejection of wanting to be with the parents.

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To parents with younger children, I say keep the rituals intact, rituals of the entire family having dinner together on a regular basis and if you do, they will avoid the evening encounter less as a teenager. I didn’t say they will love it, but for them the ritual will be deeply rooted well enough to minimize your child’s rejection of the dinner-time routine. Here is a short video I shot for eHow.com that outlines 10 reasons for having dinner with your child on a regular basis.

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WATCH THE VIDEO, "10 REASONS TO HAVE DINNER WITH YOUR KIDS"

http://www.ehow.com/video_12221417_10-reasons-eat-kids-dinner-table.html

Is American Idol Affecting Our Children?

03/01/2012 22:23:00

I teach parents how to help shape their child's world by helping to raise an emotionally balanced and peaceful child, and one that pays less attention to what's going on in the outer world. It is not healthy for us to raise our children caring about what's happening on American Idol or Jersey Shore. We must do this by helping our children develop a greater awareness of their connection with their inner self and their intuition. The constant barrage of reality and talent shows

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should be minimized and managed, and can be done through some very simple boundaries set up at home (for all ages). This includes banning electronic devices from bedrooms and implementing a rule of no more than one hour of entertainment electronics per day. This will reduce the child's appetite for things such as American Idol and Jersey Shore, and will create more appetite and desire for the child to want to explore their talents and gifts, such as writing, drawing, reading, facination with nature, and other forms of creative play. Implementing and reinforcing these boundaries will send a clear message to a child that the external influences are not what life it about and the child will give them less value in the scheme of all things.

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5 Tips for Helping Kids to Dream Big

Author and show host Bill Corbett demonstrates 5 tips for parents to help their children dream big. This is an excerpt from the CREATING COOPERATIVE KIDS TV show that is airing on public access chann...

Lauching a Research Project

02/23/2012 16:10:00

School systems are in desperate need for an updated parent education system. Many still use the outdated S.T.E.P. program and teachers and hoping something will be introduced to help parents create more boundaries and limits at home. If parents are engaged and using effective discipline at home, then children will become easier to teach in the classroom where boundaries and limits are normally in place.

With this in mind, I am launching a research project through my local university to create the evidence that many schools systems require to bring in a parent education program to the parents. The team is being created and instructors are being trained. Soon I will be announcing an opportunity for low-cost parenting classes across the region. The next instructor training will be held March 23 - 25. Click THIS LINK for more details or watch the video.

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Cooperative Kids Instructor Training Informational Video

Cooperative Kids is an international training organization that provides training and other resources to parents for raising cooperative kids. This video clip is an informational PSA for those intere...

One Imporant Thing to do for Your Child Today

02/05/2012 12:57:00

Ever find yourself thinking about a great intention, such as making a date with someone special in your life, only to realize later that you didn’t do it? We have to accept the fact that most of us are living incredibly busy lives with so much to accomplish in any given day, week, month, or year. We definitely know that we don’t want to end up on our death bed thinking about all the things we didn’t get done. This means that we can’t just rely on our ability to remember to do something, we have to learn and use a process to help us get it done.

Back in the 1990s I went through the latest leadership training craze at the time, Stephen R. Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” and to be honest; it changed my life! Not only did I complete the leadership training as a corporate manager at the time, but I also began to teach the methodology to anyone who would stop and listen to me. This “third person teaching” helped me live the principles. One of the things I learned in that training was the importance of making time for what is most important in our lives first, then letting every else fill in around those important things. In the multi-day Covey training, they actually put us through an exercise that forced us to imagine what it might be like knowing we were going to die within a few yours. It changed my perspective completely! Watch this video that illustrates what I’m talking about here (CLICK HERE).

Today I still live these concepts and pass out copies of this great book to my friends. Over on my Cooperative Kids Facebook page (Click Here) in this month of February, I’m offering my followers “14 Days of Tips for Loving Your Child.” Today’s tip is about scheduling in dates with your children before your week fills up. If you’re reading this fresh, it’s a Sunday and tonight would be a good time for you to sit down and schedule in dates with those you love the most! If you do it, leave a comment on this post to let me know you did!

Seek First to Understand Your Child... Don't React

02/03/2012 19:37:00

Too many parents are wired to react to their child's challenging behavior to simply stop it immediately. Rarely are they able to stop their reaction and examine what might be causing the behavior. Much of this reaction is fueled by the emotion the parent may be feeling at the moment, or it's the parent's internal belief system about the behavior. What if we contained our emotions or our belief systems long enough to find out why our children do what they do? We would become more effective as parents. In his book THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE, Stephen R. Covey relates a story where a friend of his was conducting a meeting at home and his small daughter kept interrupting by coming into the room. The father was getting frustrated because the little girl kept coming into the room as he told his daughter numerous times to "stop coming around the corner." Finally, the little girl said, "Daddy, what's a corner?"

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Seek First to Understand

Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits

In addition to taking the time to ask the child to tell us what might be going on, we as parents must learn to examine the challenging behavior to see what is at the core of it; what might be causing it that we can fix. Even adults act out in challenging ways and if our significant other could stop for a moment and investigate to see if there is something at the core of our behavior, relationships might be stronger. Case in point, a husband comes home late one night without calling his wife to tell her he would be late. As he arrives home, the man's wife is acting angry and not speaking to him. She is slamming doors, crashing pots on the stove, and wearing a facial expression of anger. She may very likely be acting in this challenging way because she was frightened for his safety and is frustrated that he did not call her to say he would be late. He could respond in one of two ways. The first would be to demand to know what is wrong with her and then get angry back. Or, he could step back and ask himself, "What might she be trying to tell me right now through this behavior?" If he took this later approach and knew how to become more consciously aware in the moment, he might figure out that she was angry at him for being late and not calling, and he might apologize and give her space to be angry without fighting with her. As a result, she may feel that space (and the love) to express to him what she was feeling and to ask him to call her next time. The evening would most likely end differently.

I know many adults who are capable of doing this with other adults. So if we can handle challenging behaving adults this way, why can't we do it with children? Too many adults think that children aren't worth determining the true cause of their behaviors? Ineffective caregivers respond to children with the intent to stop a behavior and little else. They want to "teach and train" the child and apply instant consequences. Effective caregivers however, respond to a child by seeking first to understand what the child may be feeling or what they may be trying to communicate... then take that information to identify the child's needs or what they may be trying to convey to their caregiver. And only THEN take appropriate measures to be understood. The bottom line is that once a human feels understood, they are more likely to want to listen, learn, and understand. Although I know that It is not easy for all, it is my wish that more adults would stop using their background, upbringing, culture, religion, and personal beliefs as an excuse to not take the time to help children feel understood, valued, important, and powerful. If they did, the world may be more peaceful, kind, and cooperative.

I Challenge You to Showcase Your Child's Dream Book

01/26/2012 21:11:00

Have you tried Pinterest yet? I know, another social media tool to overwhelm you and waste your time, right? Well this one is different because it allows you to post images on a virtual board to share with others. Putting a pin button on your browser, you can capture interesting images that you find while surfing the Web. You can then add text to further define what you’ve pinned and why. But you can pin up more than just images on the Web, Pinterest allows you to pin videos as well. And what about those great pictures you have on your smart phone or hidden away on your Facebook page that you’d like to display and share. I guess it’s sort of like a virtual photo album but more. I’m already thinking of more boards to create to display images I want to share.

So here’s how I’m going to start out using it. I’ve created a pin board titled SHOWCASE YOUR CHILD’S DREAM BOOK COVER. I am issuing a challenge to all parents to work on a project with your child to help them create a DREAM BOOK where they can record all of the things they would like to have. The object is that whenever your child asks you to buy her something, you simply say, “Put that in your dream book!” This encouraged action on the child’s part opens up the creative channels for her to begin dreaming of anything she would like to have. It also reduces your stress as a means of getting her to stop bugging you to buy her something she has seen. And when she reaches adulthood, she’s able to dream as big as she wants to create the life she truly wants to have.

Get as creative as you want with the dream book and what the heck; create one of your own! When you have a finished image of your child’s dream book, contact me and share your Pinterest ID with me and I’ll grant you access to this pin board. You can then post an image of your child’s creation for all to see. When I get enough submissions, I may then have a contest to have board visitors vote on their favorite dream book cover. Have fun and I look forward to seeing your child’s dream book cover!

Ten Tips for Raising Teens

01/01/2012 20:21:00

Don’t take it personal if they are embarrassed by you

According to Dr. Anthony Wolf, author of the book “Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?” teens develop an allergy to parents because the teens are shedding anything and anyone who is connected to their “baby-self.” Relax and know that you will be able to regain closeness with then on the “over side” of this development area, when they move into young adulthood.

Know their friends and their friends’ parents

Your job is to allow your teen to have experiences to help them grow, yet keep them safe at the same time. Maintaining this balance means knowing who they hang out with and how much freedom to give them. Some teens are left unattended by their adult caregivers and too much freedom can invite in mischief and dangerous exploration. Create the kind of home where your teen’s friend will want to hang out more.

Hang out with them often when they’ll let you do it

Spending time with a teen is very different than with a school-age child. It requires abstaining from judging his or her likes or dislikes and being interested. I’ve been known to let me teenage daughter paint my toenails or even watch a movie that I really had no interest in seeing. I even developed a temporary fascination with a band she liked, just to create something I could share with her.

Remain calm and participative when they banter and argue for more freedoms

If you’re decided to be an engage parent with boundaries and limits for your teen, chances are good you’re going to hear the claim, “None of my friends parents are this strict!” When you teen attempts to argue your limits, don’t get angry and remain engaged in the banter. Stick to your beliefs but also be a good listener. If you can be swayed to bend a rule now and then that doesn’t pose a danger to your teen, you could end up earning the “cool parent” title without even knowing it.

Let them have a say in creating a regular schedule for completing homework

Every teen can’t automatically begin his or her homework upon arriving at home. Discuss a schedule for homework with your teen and come to an agreement that both of you can live with. The schedule should be a regular, fixed routine that can be followed easily. Document what is agreed upon and post it somewhere. Some teens might use a parent’s faded memory of past discussions to bend the rules in their favor. The home work belongs to your teen, not to you, so avoid micromanaging their work.

Establish a rule of no entertainment electronics during homework time

Ipods, cell phones, ipads, televisions, and computers are easy distractions for a teen when it comes to something that isn’t fun to do, such as homework. Establish a rule that electronics are banned during scheduled homework time. Enforce the “no electronics” rule Monday through Thursday, even if there is no homework on a particular day. If your teen really does have a homework-free day, the time ordinary reserved for homework should be used for anything creative that does not include electronics or friends.

Teens should be getting themselves up in the morning and doing their own laundry

Creating responsibility in advance can be difficult because it’s sometimes easier just to “do it ourselves.” Doing it ourselves also makes us feel needed when we begin feeling like we’re losing our babies. But parents must make the time to begin training their teens to become self-sufficient, capable and responsible. Handing over some responsibilities also eliminates arguments and blame when teens don’t plan well in advance.

Allow them to make dinner once in a while

You teen would love to have more say in things than you might think. Take something like the family dinner and turn it completely over to them once in a while. It can be a great way to help them feel capable and important in the family. Let them come up with the shopping list or let them do that with you as well. If something doesn’t come out just right or how “you would do it,” refrain from criticizing and give them lots of encouragement for having made the meal.

Avoid allowing a television to be placed in their bedroom

The entertainment industry isn’t in the business of protecting kids and teens, that’s the job of the parent. And don’t just blindly accept their rating system either. During the teen years, your child is developing an awareness of who they are and what they will become. Allowing them to watch too much unsupervised material on television will have them fixated on inappropriate behaviors and not focusing on their internal gifts and potential talents.

The Internet should only be used in a common area where parents can be present

According to organizations like childrenonline.org, the risks to a child or teen’s safety are greater than the benefits of allowing them to have unsupervised access to the Internet. Thanks to sites such as chatroulette.com and omegle.com, our teens can be connected visually and audibly to predators with access to the Internet. Youtube is also not in the business of safeguarding your child or teen and is another popular site that provides free access to adult-natured material at the press of a button. Your teen will have ample opportunity to explore these things on their own as they move into their young adult years.